If “I’m sorry” is your automatic response, even when you’ve done nothing wrong, you’re not alone! Many high-performing women struggle with over-apologizing. It feels polite, but it can quietly erode your confidence and credibility.
In this post, I’ll share why you over apologize, the hidden beliefs behind it and simple swaps to communicate with confidence instead.
Why Do I Over Apologize? Understanding the Habit
Over-apologizing doesn’t mean you’re weak. It signals that you’re not fully owning your voice. For many women, “I’m sorry” became a default reflex in childhood.
Little girls are often praised for being quiet, nice, and not taking up space. We learn to say sorry to soften conflict, avoid inconvenience, or preempt judgment. The problem? You don’t need to apologize for existing or speaking up.
How Over Apologizing Affects Your Confidence
When you over apologize, you unintentionally send the message that you doubt yourself. This can make others see you as uncertain, hesitant, or less capable – especially in leadership roles.
If you’re questioning yourself, why should others believe in your leadership? Over time, this habit chips away at your credibility and makes it harder for people to trust you to lead.
Swaps to Stop Over Apologizing
If you catch yourself saying “I’m sorry” unnecessarily, try these quick swaps:
- Instead of “I’m sorry I’m late,” say “Thanks for your patience.”
- Instead of “Sorry, I just wanted to say…,” say “Here’s what I’m thinking.”
- Instead of “Sorry for the question,” say “Can we clarify this part?”
These alternatives acknowledge the situation without diminishing your presence. They shift the energy from apology to confidence.
Building the Confidence Muscle
Confidence isn’t something you’re born with – it’s something you build. Every time you choose directness over an apology, you reinforce your self-respect. If you don’t sound like you respect yourself, others won’t either.
Start practicing in small ways. Remove “sorry” from situations where you’ve done nothing wrong. Over time, this rewires your communication patterns and boosts your leadership presence.
Next Step to Break the Habit
Think of one situation where you often over apologize. Commit to replacing “I’m sorry” with a confident swap the next time it happens.
If you want more tools to own your voice, check out my Say It Like a Leader Instant Access Workshop for practical scripts and confidence-building strategies.
Breaking the habit of over-apologizing isn’t about being less kind – it’s about valuing your voice as much as you value others.
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[00:00:00] If I’m sorry is your default response even when you haven’t done anything wrong. This one’s for you
today I am unpacking why so many high performing women over apologize and what it’s actually saying about your confidence and what to say instead.
My name’s Corrie LoGiudice and I help ambitious women lead without shrinking. Subscribe for real world tools that’ll help you speak up, set boundaries, and take confident action even when doubt tries to creep in. I’ll do that one more time. My name is Corey LoGiudice and I help ambitious women lead without shrinking.
Subscribe today for real world tools that’ll help you speak up, set boundaries, and take confident action even when self-doubt tries to creep in.
So kudos to team Corrie Lo. It was actually one of our team members that suggested this topic for today. And that said, I have coached hundreds of women, right? From women entrepreneurs to executives, and I can’t tell you how often I hear, I’m sorry, or I just, or I was wondering if maybe, all these different variations of, I’m sorry
now or apologizing [00:01:00] doesn’t mean that you’re weak. But it does signal that you’re not fully owning your own voice. So let’s unpack what all this means.
This is something I actually struggled with myself for many years, and truth is, I’m sorry. It becomes a default reflex, especially for women.
Little girls as children are often praised for being seen and not heard, and for not taking up space for being nice, right? So we say sorry, and order to soften conflict, right? We say sorry to avoid taking up space, to avoid being an inconvenience, to preempt judgment. But the truth is you shouldn’t have to apologize for simply existing.
Just because we’ve been conditioned, through society, that we shouldn’t be so loud and we shouldn’t be. So this and that. It doesn’t mean that we need to apologize for it either.
So what? Over apologizing.
So if you’re someone who knows you over apologize right now. I would love for you to explore it. Think about [00:02:00] when did you first start feeling like you were an inconvenience, right? Where did that belief come from? It might give you some great kind of feedback and analysis to understand what you need to do moving forward to be able to rewire it.
So for me in particular, oh no, I’m not gonna share that story
now, unfortunately, over apologizing actually creates a scenario where it more or less shows people that you’re unsure about things you’re not confident, right? It reinforces the belief that you are a burden, that you’re second guessing yourself. Even if that’s what you don’t mean.
Do that one more time
over. Apologizing actually communicates to people that you’re unsure about yourself. That you believe you are a burden, that you are second guessing yourself, even if that’s not what you mean. So you’re saying it to more or less please, the other person To come across as more pleasant, to be nicer.
To be like considerate, right? We like to say considerate, but what’s happening is it’s actually [00:03:00] communicating the opposite. Because it’s actually more of an inconvenience when you’re talking to somebody who’s unsure, that’s not confident, that you’re not sure you could trust. So this habit ultimately chips away at your credibility, right?
Especially if you are in leadership or if you’re aspiring to be a leader, in your career. Over apologizing makes it harder for people to see you as being confident, capable, or clear. It makes it almost impossible for people to believe that they could trust in you to lead them where they need to go.
Because if you’re questioning yourself, why should they believe you?
So here’s some really simple swaps that you could use the next time that you find yourself over apologizing for things. Great example. You’re running late for something. Instead of saying, I’m sorry I’m late. I’m so sorry I’m late. Say instead, thanks for your patience. Thanks for your patience.
Still acknowledges the fact that you were late, that you were an inconvenience, but that you [00:04:00] appreciate the fact that they understand why you may be late. It comes from a different energetic place. It comes from a place of confidence instead of inconvenience. Instead of saying, sorry, I just wanted to say, you could say, here’s what I’m thinking.
Instead of , sorry for the question say, can we clarify this part? There’s so many different ways that you can communicate with confidence, but the one of the quickest ways to do so is by eliminating the words, sorry, from your vocabulary, especially if you haven’t done anything that you should be sorry about.
Overall confidence is something that you need to practice. It doesn’t just show up. Confidence comes through taking repeated actions over and over again until whatever it is that you don’t feel confident in now you suddenly do because it happens with practice. This also comes through in how you speak.
Okay. Every time that you choose directness over an apology, you’re reinforcing your voice as well as your self-respect. If you don’t sound like you respect yourself, no one else is [00:05:00] gonna respect you either. ‘ cause they’re ultimately taking your lead, whether you’re a leader or not.
So I’d love to know what’s one situation that you found yourself over apologizing for when you didn’t need to? Go ahead, drop it below. In the comments. Feel free to DM me. I’m most active on LinkedIn and. I’ll go first. One place that I used to over apologize for on a regular basis, back when I was working in corporate was for anything related to childcare.
And eventually I just got to the point where, you know what? I’m not gonna apologize for being a mom. I’m not gonna apologize ’cause my kid’s sick. It just is what it is, right? So I’ll appreciate their patience as I deal with the situation, but either way, I’m not gonna apologize for being a working mom and having kids.
So there you go. I went first. Go ahead, comment below. Send me a dm. Let me know what yours is and if it’s something that I might be able to help out with, specific specific response or a way to phrase it, I will do a compilation video where I share [00:06:00] different scripts that you can use moving forward to communicate with that confidence and not say, sorry.
And if you want some help unlearning this habit, check out my Say It like Leader Instant Access Workshop. It’s a self-paced training that helps you own your voice and speak up with confidence, especially in the moments that matter most, that you might be de, especially in the matters that, especially in the moments that matter most, or you may be doubting yourself.
Thanks so much and I’ll see you on the next episode.
Thanks for checking out the next step with Corrie Lo. If this episode resonated with you, share it with a friend, subscribe and leave a review. Together we’ll transform overwhelm into action and we’ll keep taking the next step towards competent leadership. See you next time.